Mixed-Up Melange

I have been duly reminded that I have not been posting at all these past months... but I have been devoting my time to my blog...I went over there because I found that there were options on blogspot that I could not get here..

So come and visit me at my blog:

http://www.mixed-upmelange.blogspot.com/

That is where I am most of the time... My focus is on my work... less personal things.  I'll still post here from time to time. :)

So part of sixth grade is to study Ancient Civilizations and Egypt is on the short list for this.  We have a great program that our school brings in Called 'Walk Through... Name your historical time period'  It is kind of like a Game Show, but a million times better and you get extra point by having an attempt at a costume and props.   My son was assigned to be 'Ra'.  So anyone who knows us... we looked up an actual image from a wall painting and went from there.  We did use natural dyes, but we also used a hot glue gun and our chief supplies were Dad's undershirts and two baseball caps.  (undershirts make great costumes!).

  This has some plaster drips on it, but it is our research picture.

           
The mask, to be worn with a                                     Dyeing the undershirts for Ra's Garments.
white cloth mask to complete the neck.
               The Garments of RA... (did I mention I used a hot glue gun)(I love hot glue guns).

     
So here is RA in action.  (School rules state that one has to wear shirts and shoes).   I am a proud Mom.  No one else's Mom used natural dyes for their costumes.  I know the beak is a bit long, but have you ever tried to trim a baseball cap brim... WORK!  Anyway, Young Ra loved it the way it was and several months later he still wears the costume around the house and has his mask out in his room. ;)

(and for other work folks are waiting to see... I'm getting there, Honest... these photos are taken... some still need work). ;)

Well, lets see, I was going to post about the great Sun God, Ra, but I found the mitt pictures first.

     Finished Mitts for the Small Things Exchange  (the picture is at the end since I seem to be unable to move it around for some reason, sigh).

  Mitts and knitted things are nothing without yarn. :) just say'in

  I didn't take a finished picture of this one, but here it is almost done with its yarn.

So these are two of the three pairs I made.. I think I forgot to take a picture of mine.  Mitts work better for me than gloves or mittens, because I can still work and have fingers free otherwise my entire hand gets cold.  These were all inspired by a pair of cotton mitt glove liners that my sweet love had from his army days.  We were out snowshoeing and our son forgot his gloves... needless to say even with extras we were down to sharing this pair of cotton mitts and they kept the hands pretty warm and I could still take pictures without holding folks up more by taking gloves on and off, which also prevented me from losing a glove as I took it on and off.  (The SnowShoeing trip with pix is Jan or Feb 2008 sometime if you are interested).

  This picture was supposed to be up top.

Have a good day and be happy.

What is the possibility of a finished object and do they indeed exist?   The actual existence of finished objects has always been an question in my mind and the dream of my heart.  Last fall I made the commitment to do more actual blogging (which I enjoy), with the hope that I might actually accomplish more than I have in the past.  Well, it happened... I don't know if it was a feeling of oweness to myself (not knowing if that is a word), the desire being large enough to finally push through and get something done... I don't know what it is.  But I have finished a few things and made progress on others.  Not to worry though, because I still have LOADs of things that need doing.... even more than de-cluttering my house (wish there was more progress there).  And for those smart people out there -- don't even  think that blogging would help... it would drive me NUTS and I'm already crazy enough!

--  So, I finished the warp on a small inkle band making two gifts - one appreciated, one not so much (sigh).
--  I participated in and actually made on time  a set of mitts for a small things exchange.
--  I made two more sets of mitts (one for me, one for my sweet love) (and uh, well I started another pair for my daughter, which is a ufo at the moment).
--  I over finished an article for a journal... what that means is that I sort of got the size of pages wrong and I sort of wrote 45 pages and all they had room for was 12 ... so it got majorly cut, BUT it did get DONE... which means it QUALIFIES for the Finished Object category (and it is going to be published soon - only 12 pgs though. :) ).   The other accomplishment is that I wrote the 45 pgs (ok, I thought it was 18ish) in just under 4 wks., which I think is a big accomplishment especially since it was during the school year.
--  4 to 6 of my photos were included in a presentation at NESAT (Northern European Symposium on Archaeological Textiles) and will be published in the NESAT proceedings (coming out next year).  I get a photo credit and I'm very happy about that. :)  I sort of can't believe it. 
--  I completed two warps on my inkle loom of CARD weaving --- I cannot believe that!, because wrapping one's brain around card-weaving is crazy, but I got sick of saying I couldn't do it and feeling like an idiot in classes that I really wanted to understand... so I approached it a different way.   Instead of the count this count that...  I started doing it visually.  I looked at the pattern and I turned the cards based on that.  My goal is to understand string placement on cards by colors.  The ABCD of it is helpful and gives a good guide, but I think I did ok for the first time just doing it visually.  I have a LONG way to go to where I want to be, but this is better than I've ever done before.
--  I completed all the gold work on one side of Sweet Bag project.   I have to keep going on this.
--  I created the costume for the Egyptian God RA and a really cool mask.
--  I made two Elizabethan hats -- one pill box -- one fairly complicated.
--  I finished spinning, plying, skeining  just over half of the polworth fleece I've been working on.
--  OH, and I almost forgot, I made my first new garb since I made my Vigil garment for when I was elevated to the Pelican (historical re-enactment service award).  This was just a simple tunic to replace my 13 yr old red tunic as slightly more reputable.  I used cardweaving for trim and that felt wonderful. 

Finishing things feel wonderful and listing it makes you realize that you are not really twiddling your thumbs quite so much.

I do promise photos, but I had to at least post something... I've been remiss. 
Good night all!

The middle of summer is a fine place to be.  It is infinitely easier than the school year.   Last April I was working hard on a project and I made myself promise not to post until I had finished the project ... because the project had to get done!  So I finished it and then it was the end of the year.  But the end of the school year is slightly more hectic than christmas preparations so I didn't have time then.  Now well, poor Ruth died and so many of us are left kind of feeling in left field.   It is another message to me that we need to live life now.  It is no use waiting to do things, to see things, to experience life.   Life may not be there when we think we finally have time.  So do it now.

This is brief and I have more to say, but it is also very very late.   My thoughts are out there with all of us who share the common thread and some who do not.

  Ruth's Palo Alto Bee (and she had a sweater to match the color, which is why we saw the bee, because when she had no pollen on her sweater the bee left in disgust and went to the other flowers.

(From Ruth's pix) At Sylvia's house for a little party for Joy, Ruth in the first row, Brown Sweater, this spring 2008.

(Either Ruth or Bjo's pix) Ruth being her usual self.. filled with Joy.

  (From Erin's Blog) Ruth at her dyepot... she LOVED playing with dyes.  

I just feel a terrible terrible shock at the sudden passing of Ruth Schooley, a good friend, and tremendous fiber fiend.  She died on July 15th with a blood clot to the lung.   There are so many that miss her wonderful smile, incredible outlook on life, spinning of absolutely everything, dyeing all the time, growing fiber plants, dye plants ... you name it... she had a great cotton tree in her backyard.

She is loved by her beloved Roketman.   She wrote of him, spoke of him, and he loved her tremendously.   They did many things together. 

I am not good at this, I am not able to say the eloquent things, but she is terribly missed already.    I feel badly we did not have more time together as friends.   She was so incredibly kind and generous to me, to everyone.  I owe her a lot.  Honhold library will never be the same.

Waving for you Ruth and lighting a candle.

I have survived another school year!  I have succeeded in finishing an article that will be published in CA (although it is A LOT shorter than what I orginally wrote... note to self:  always make sure you understand what 'one page' really means... usually it doesn't mean 2 1/2 )  Yup, well consider it just another facet of me....  intutive type... I uh, thought I wrote 20 pages (which needed to be cut down to 12)(thought that would be easy).   Well, apparently for the format, I actually wrote 45 pages.  So since it was so late I had to let it be edited down without me. 

Who knew 12 pages would be so very hard to write?   Anway, despite the travails, weeping, and gnashing of teeth by everyone involved, the piece is on its way with the rest of the articles in that issue to be printed.

I had said to myself.... no posting on live journal or elsewhere 'until I had finished the article'... then it was 'until I get the kids through school, black belt testing, National History Day, and the end of Soccer Season' (spring travel team).   I have accomplished all these goals.   NOW, I can do a few other things. ;)

I will post photos tomorrow or sometime soon of various things.

Take care one and all,
hugs.

NEVER  EVER   ,,, I mean NEVER!!!...

Think that one can just sit down and write something out.  Writing takes time,  It takes patience,  Good will, and inner strength.

Never think it.  Just don't.  Cause IF you do something as silly as that ... you will learn one way or another.

Good night folks. ;)


p.s.  It also takes chocolate and caffeine... it is not as hard to write as it is hard to resist chocolate chip cookies.

I am so painfully busy that I thought I was going to keel over last friday night.  Tonight I'm still busy, but not that busy and I'm letting paint dry so I am taking an icecream break.  I don't need icecream, it is not good for me or my hips, but I'm leaving them out of it tonight.

My daughter has a concussion.  2 wks ago, and it is not better so it was back to the Dr and waiting on Insurance to clear an mri.  So she is not a happy camper.  She had an ap exam and a history competition last friday, sat, sun (hence my need to keel over) (her support staff needs some help).

My son has been a good little camper but has had some big school projects due and I am currently working on a costume for tomorrow for the Egyptian God, RA.  He will be the best Ra anyone at his elementary school has ever seen... because I SO have something to say about and I am sick unto death of having no say.   I have control issues.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to get some actual work for you know ME done - some writing- which is actually in a much better space I might finish it by Sat night - I hope.   I broke a crown by chewing gum... go figure that one out, my dentist will, I saved the top.  I have this big hole in my mouth and no time to go to the dentist, fortunately, it had a root canal and the tooth next to it so there is minimal pain... nevertheless.  I'm sick of it. 

The end of the school year is speeding supersonically faster and faster closer and closer.  I actually find this time of year almost as overwhelming and stressful as christmas and I don't have a fabulous time with folks to look forward tooo....

I have finished 3 pairs of mitts in as many months.  One pair went to a small things exchange.  One pair for me, one pair for my husband, I'm working on a pair for my daughter... uh you know, in my spare time, which I don't have, so nothing is getting done .

I did finish all the gold work on my sweet bag on one side.  Gold is pretty.  I like it.  The tree came out fairly well too.

Well, my icecream is done.  I have complained exceedingly well.  Wish I could go steal a horse like some people I know, but then Ra wouldn't have eyes tomorrow. 

Did I mention I am dyeing his shirt and over wrap skirt gold with onion skins.  My son is very excited.  We recycled two of dad's t-shirts for the clothes and one of his.  I built the mask using plaster guaze on a baseball cap.  I have lots to do yet so I have to go back to work.  It will be a late night tonight for sure.

Wish I had more icecream, but taking a break is technically illegal tonight so there we are.

loopy, determined, exhausted, wishing something, but I'm not sure what

no words come to mind, but my brain cannot think, it wants to think, really it does, but it has been overcome by information overload and the inability to process it all into coherent thought.

I think i'll go to bed now.  I am hoping things will organize themselves in my psyche overnight.

ya well, I could also put the books under my pillow like Edgar Cayce.

When my daughter had just turned 2 I was given a sudanese drop spindle, mighty heavy, but it had a hook and I bought fiber to play with and I spun, and spun,     and    spun,    a n d     s p u n.... until at last I had no more fiber, but a big GIANT cone of yellow singles on a stick.  So I wound it onto something and got some more fiber from somewhere.   Spinning with no direction, I just kept doing it, and not plying.
One of my closest Bosom buddies widened my world in a single fell swoop.  She noticed my second spun yarn at an arts display (before she really knew me).  I had spun it, but I didn't even know how to ply so I wound it on a rock to show what I had been up too.  A lovely little bit of roving (a very little bit) spun and wound upon a nice rock I found.  At this point I had no more fiber, but I REALLY wanted to spin.  She took me under her wing, loaned me a wheel, never once in these 13 years denigrated my yarn on a rock, and then one day she suggested we pop up to SOAR and room together.  What in the world is SOAR? 

So we packed up and off we went and WOW.  I thought I died and gone to heaven.  Guess what!?  There were other fiber geeky (except we are all now really fiber fiends) people.   Other people who liked sheep and didn't think I was wierd.  People who were MUUUCH farther gone than I.   At that point I ah, didn't have a fiber stash to speak of.   Anyway, my Bosom Bud sheperded me around told me cool things to do like volunteer to help.  And I volunteered to man the welcome desk on Thursday (during market time. (don't be worried friends, I managed to buy enough to fill an additional suitcase.  ;) )   I welcomed everyone ever so enthusiastically including Linda Ligon, who took this newbie's jubilence with a smile.  I was just overwhelmed with SOAR.   I took notes and cried at Karen Selk's presentation.  (At that time I was raising my own silkworms and had almost no one to share it with... that is who understood that form of my insanity).  I did EVERYTHING I could and by the last workshop session, I could no longer spin on my wheel and could hardly form a question with my mouth.  This little sponge was fairly dripping with the week and could no longer absorb anything more than, 'I'm a warm body in the room'.   

Quite frankly that week in uncountable ways changed the very fiber of my being.  (Yes, there is a pun there, but the allusion is unresistable) (please stop throwing tomatoes now).    I was changed.  I taken some toddler steps into the big giant world.  

Did I mention the marketplace?  Well, the marketplace has to be experienced to be truly appreciated.  Fiber vendors of every ilk, from all corners of the globe, descend to display their wares.  Uh, not only display... but to let us touch, fondle, and of course buy...   Karen Selk's husband just laughed at me with my arms full of ... incredible toys, there were books from Yarn Barn, Wooden fiber implements from Woody at Woodchuck's,  Sheila and Jonathon Bosworth and their toys, and of course Francine's 'Rovings'. 

As I said I was virginal in my visit to the marketplace and I could not understand why all these people were lined up the length of the marketplace to get into her booth.  So being ever curious I grabbed a big garbage bag from her booth like everyone else and got into line.  (You see my sheperd and Bosom Buddy could not protect me from the seduction of THE MARKETPLACE and although she was equally overcome, she had experience, wisdom, and restraint on her side.  She also recognized there was nothing that could be done for me once I walked through those doors).   At any rate eventually, I arrived in the booth to pay for my very large lawn size garbage bag of what turned out to be space dyed Polworth roving.  Absolutely, amazing stuff.  The thing is every year I am compelled by the spirits of the Polworth sheep to buy more roving (my own weakness has absolutely NOTHING whatsoever to do with it).  But I noticed,,, or you know, my husband noticed that I was accumulating fleeces dyed, undyed, just shorn;   that well (if the truth be told), I wasn't getting spun up, used up, given away... in short whereas once I had no stash... now I did.   So this past year I restrained myself and did NOT buy a garbage bag of roving or fleece.  I resolved to spin up at least one of my bags from Francine (but don't worry, I did buy polworth, silk and polworth cashmere blends of YARN, because Yarn isn't fleece or a bag of roving.

So here a a few photos of what's left of my bag of roving.  I would say I have an eighth of a bag left (which gives you an idea of what I've spun up already).   I must think of a project for it.  One of my friends said she volunteered to be  a recipient and I could give it to her if I couldn't think of a use.  It's good to have friends. :)

      

I would not now have so much fun or be who I am,  were it not for the gift of a drop spindle, my rock, and my bosom buddy suggesting we pop off to spend a week at SOAR.   Fiber is such an intrinsic part of my being that who knows what would have become of me...   I still have my yarn wound on a rock.

The idea of blogging has intrigued me for some time.  At first I thought... too much time.  I should take that time and use it to make things, but I have this little problem with >finishing things<, if I have a nemesis that one would be high on my list.  Eventually, I got a bit curious and started reading blogs here and there, noticing what people did with their blogs, and actually asking one or two... why do you do that.  My initial thought was to use my blog as therapy for my own grieving process and to not forget after my father died.  Then I added to that the idea of Keeping track of projects and recording finished items.  It really does help.

But then As I read more and more I discovered that people are eloquent.  People are out there making a difference.  People are inspiring others to act, to create, to participate in the conversation that is life.

I have much to learn on the technical side, but I have decided that these things are all important to me.

I think one of the most inspiring people whose blog I visit regularly... just to hang out, because she doesn't live anywhere close to getting together for coffee or lunch; is Abby.  Her blog is 'Abby's Yarns'.  She makes yarns and she tells yarns.  But saying merely 'Yarn' is not enough.  Here is one of my favorites or her yarns.  It tells much about her, where she comes from, and why what she does gifts all of us in some fashion.

'A first Look at Something Huge':  http://www.abbysyarns.com/wordpress/?p=177   

So to say that the Yarns she tells are merely yarns by the fire is lyrical, but does not give them the warmth and eloquence they deserve.  She engages and brings us all into the circle.  She helps us all join the dance.  Abby spins out to us flowing as the Andean Women dance and spin in the same moment.  I missed spending time with her at SOAR and I won't do that again.  

Now I did not speak about the physical manifestations of Abby's yarn.  Again to say merely 'yarn' is a misnomer.  I was so inspired by some of her posts that I had to visit her so I went and bought some of her yarn.  Well, it hasn't arrived yet since I bought it yesterday online, but her colors are brilliant.  Color is seductive and one has to know how to use it.  Abby doesn't need lessons.  She has color and she uses it.  The combination of her spun-a-licious yarn and her seductive use of color can be too much even for the experienced spinner-knitter-weaver.  It was too much, I was overcome and well, I a little less cash, but I am rich rich RICH... for I have more than merely yarn coming soon to a mailbox near me. 

Of course except for the orange bit... I don't have anything close to a plan to use it.  

If you've seen the little 'How Evil Are You' poll a few posts ago, all I can say is they didn't choose their questions with fiber fiends in their little minds. ;)

I took a chance on Saturday and braved an outing with the intrepid Boy Scouts of my son's troop into the snow on a local mountain.  They were originally going to camp overnight as well as spend the day setting up camp, cooking, and snow shoeing, but due to predictions of high winds, rain and snow at night they opted for cooking, playing, and snow shoeing followed by going home.  A wise idea as the weather prediction was very accurate.

So we were at about 7300 ft.  The snow was up to the tops of the picnic tables.  The top layer was perfect packing snow.  The great thing about boy scouts is they take care of themselves.  They cook and clean up for themselves (ok, maybe a bit of encouragement to stop throwing snowballs and pack up).  You get to watch and make sure they don't damage themselves.  The day was stellar, bright, and warm.  We were shedding layers.  The only issue was that the snow and ice in the trees was melting and falling round about noon.  A huge chunk of ice fell on my head.  I was very glad to be wearing a sheepskin hat.  Ice falling from a distance is HARD.  Here is what it looked like and some of the icy beautiful crystal trees.

     

These are early in the day when it was warm and the sun was working on slightly melting everything.  Around 1pm clouds arrived, temps started to drop, a bit of wind appeared, and we were cleaned up and ready to snowshoe.  Really easy and great fun!

     

The wind is so fierce sometimes, the snow becomes blown on ice.  That's what fell on my head.  In this picture you can see the incoming storm brewing.

                   

Like true explorers, off they go... of course I took the picture so that indicates where I was. ;)



   A very important addition to our crew was
our fabulous Guide, Yuki.  Yuki, however did not need snowshoes.  Yuki loved it out there, whined when we went too slow and in a pinch would probably scare off wild critters just by his presence.  One of the human guides said though, that he would not be able to scare off an ornery bear.  I think the issue was more mountain lion than bear.  Of course the scouts were oblivious to these issues. 

Just as the wind started getting rough we made it back down, a few hardy souls cleaned the privies for the rangers.  We loaded the big cook boxes back into vehicles.  By this time the wind was rough and jagged.  It contained ice from the trees that when you looked at it on the ground, it resembled glass slivers.  I was happy to have a hood with my hat just for face protection.  The boys didn't notice, hearty souls.  They just wanted more to eat.  So by the time we were turning on the vans & suburbans the true storm arrived with rain, ice, wind, and snow.  Good call not to spend the night.  All in all it was a wonderful day.  I loved it.  It was amazingly stunning and beautiful.  I loved seeing snow, but not sleeping in it.  I loved walking in it and snow shoeing  was a blast (even though I am in pitiful condition).  The only fiber up there available was from Yuki (or pine needles), but I didn't collect either.  Knitting was for the end of the evening in front of the fire when my thoughts could savor the day.

I might go on more outings, but I have to watch it.  It might be fun for me, but less fun for my son to have me hanging around. ;)

Night all!

You Are 6% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm. Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

 A small entry about a happy evening.  I finished a small shawl I have been working on since the cat was put down.  It was color fiber therapy at work inspired by a book Angelina gave Medb on one skein or small leftover projects.  So I bought one skein of this truly yummy colored yarn (which actually has a bit of hot pink in it) and I started to knit this little something.  It became slightly larger as the yarn went further and the ball I wound never seemed to get smaller until tonight.... I actually finished it... well, I have to block it still, but it is done being knit. :)

Oh frabjous day, caloo calay!  And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?    (not yet Dad, but I'm working on it).

Here is a photo of my little shawl. :)

  It is hard to appreciate the colors, I had a hard time in artificial light.  There is orange, red, a bit of hot pink.  Really no browns although the photo seems to suggest it.  It is pouring here and I was impatient to put up a photo.  Maybe I'll post another when it's blocked.    I do have to get my small item done and mailed.... still thinking on a variety of choices and running short on time.   Night all!

I have no idea if I have truly succeeded in imbedding the link to the SheepThrills ring, because I am still in line to be reviewed before I am linked.  I'd really like to have the link on the side column, but don't know how to do it and none of the help msgs I have sent have gotten back to me from three different help desks (not just LJ).

I am part of a small things exchange and I can't decide what to do.  I have a wk left, enough time to accomplish something (hey that would be great!).  But I have so many things in my mind I can't make it up and feel a little lost.  I want it to have pizazz.  I've got to figure this out TODAY!

A happy thing happened when I glanced out the window... is it a sign of spring?  there were 10 tiny birds in the apricot tree and at least 5 more attacking the gone to seed basil plant.  I am so glad I just left it alone.  I am glad to supply seed and brunch to the little finches come to visit.  It is still cold outside as one can see the plumped up feathers keeping the little birds warm.  Here are some pictures.

               

                   There is something important about a bird feeding in one's backyard.  Yes, I am a bit on the sappy side and not a bit sorry.   Here is to the appearance of spring especially to those in Tajikistan where people are freezing and starving to death.

My lovely beautiful perfect daughter figured out how to finally put the html format on this...for her technologically impaired mother....

In my life it doesn't happen often enough, but I finished an object.  I finished off the end of an inkle band (type of rigid heddle weaving) and made it into something easy going.  In fact one of the points of this blog for me is to assist myself in some strange psychological manner to move forward and finish a few things once in a blue moon... This being inspired from several other completely inspirational and amazing artist's blogs and their habits.  I thought I'd try it.  So without further adieu I introduce... a finished object:

The band is a practice piece to simply improve my weaving technique.  However, I did give it to someone as a gift, but I think they were disappointed.  Not a weaver or fiber type person; a good friend, a quilter, and an amazingly hard worker.  I was sad she didn't like it better.  Now however, I rejoice in having finished it (in less than 6 months including both working and time hanging out as an UNfinished Object.      This trend will hopefully become habit forming (the finishing part I mean).  (one can always dream).

I am going to work on my sweetbag, 2 other unfinished band warps, a small objects exchange for one of my fiber lists, and uh,,, well there is always de-cluttering to be done.     One thing I mused on the other day is the lovely idea of going to a work place and then I thought if I had a dedicated studio space NOT in the house that if I went there I might have more discipline to get work done, because it would be my Work Place.   It's a thought anyway.    Sarah Lamb built a yurt for her studio.  She is an inspiration.  Visit her blog at: http://saralamb.blogspot.com/

I did have a wonderful half weekend at Winter Weekend and spent time with lots of folks (and those who weren't there.. you know who you are.. you were very  missed!).  Eowyn was kind enough (after she played weaving with string... heh, heh, heh ... and I  do have photos) to teach me the plaited braid stitch for the gold work.  As I promised before here is my progress thus far on side one of ... 'THE SWEETBAG'.   (kind of like the movie 'The Blog'...haven't seen it in ages).  For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about An Elizabethan Sweet bag was carried in... wait for it... Elizabethan England.  It carried sweets, sweet smelling things, or both.  It was elaborately embroidered as only Elizabethans can and included often Gold and Silver thread as well as the lovely silks.  The design is period shape and form, but my choice of coloration is a mix leaning toward the modern.   The vines will all be gold thread plaited braid stitch, the background silver thread. The color of the picture is a bit off.

Astridhr

Well, it was kind of a rough afternoon.

Nathan and I pull into the driveway after school and the neighborhood orange tabby is in the driveway, he sometimes suns there even with the clouds.  The thing about this poor cat is that it has been dragging its back legs around (quite deftly) for at least 3 months.   It is impossible to catch and it looked ok, but today there was something different and I saw what I thought was blood on those two back paws.

So I put Nathan on watch and ran inside to grab a flannel sheet to imobilise it with the intent on taking it to the vet.   Well, my neighbor comes out because her nephew told her I was chasing the cat (he apparently told her I was going to hurt the cat... jerk, I've known him since he was a 3 yr old, he should know better).  Anyway, she is somewhat elderly raising her grand-daughter.  I tell her what I saw and I said, we have to do something here.  I told her I just wanted to get him seen by the vet.  So she eventually comes round and helps me get to him.  I wrap him up like a newborn and I take her and him with me to the vet.  She could not or couldn't handle staying.  She has lost both her children and recently her dog and was almost in tears over this cat (that she had rescued from a neighbor who moved and abandoned the poor cat in an empty house... she got in after 8 days and got the cat out).  She has just not been able to handle dealing with this cat.

So she leaves, the Vet came in and we finally got a look at the back legs... not an animal... tumors and one paw was no longer a paw, the other going much the same way... later  he found a very large abdominal mass... He was riddled with cancer.

So I call my neighbor on the phone and explain to her what is happening and that we really need to put the cat down.  She is crying into the phone,but eventually gives me permission.  I stayed with the poor cat (a really pretty guy).   I bought my neighbor brownies and flowers.  Her housemate and grand-daughter and nephew... not sympathetic enough to her... I was pretty mad.   I bought myself dove chocolate, but I'd really rather have a friend to go sit on a sofa and drink port or madiera (on tap for later tonight anyway!)(that and project runway)(can't help myself).

I am feeling low and as the evening progresses sad,  I kind of felt nothing at the Vet's.  I got dinner ready, fed children and dogs and I was grumpy.  Now I feel sad and even though I KNOW it was the best thing for that poor cat (and with the downpour tonight he is in a warm dry place) there is this niggling part of me that feels like I killed the cat.  The vet said the poor thing would have lingered a long and horrible death so it IS the right thing... I just have a part of me that questions euthanasia.  Questions my right to deem the death of this sweet animal.  Another responsibility.

The cat is happier.  I told him he was going to the rainbow bridge to play with the other cats and dogs.  He went very peacefully, but I'm feeling kind of low and I know I will miss him sunning on the driveway.

Astridhr